A Blank Mind

This is a time with our economy shut down when people are feeling a lot of uncertainty and fear. In thinking about how to cope in this situation, I thought about years ago when I agreed to do a first jump with a parachute out of an airplane. Just the fact that I agreed to that means the average person doesn’t think like me! But if you can, my thought process which allowed me to do the jump could be helpful during times of uncertainty.


I had three days of in-class instruction and then the day came. Before even going up in the plane, my mind basically went blank. I talked with people and did things I needed to do, but I wasn’t thinking much. I remember someone walked by while I ate a sandwich and wondered how I could eat before a first jump. I just wasn’t thinking much, was kind of numb, and so I still had an appetite! Once in the airplane and flying, I waited as a couple of other people went before me. I think it was all so out of my experience that I was in a kind of shock or amazement. I did the jump and that is quite a fun story! 

But coping with uncertainty and fear is what this is about. Over the years, I had a few people show interest in doing a jump if I would go with them. I turned them down. During this time, I worked as a therapist with clients experiencing severe chronic pain. They were not living the life they wanted. In the group of people that I jumped with, someone broke their tailbone, someone broke several bones in his foot, and someone got whiplash. I did, too, and I still have residual issues in my neck. When people wanted me to go again, my thinking had changed. I now knew too much about the sequence of experiences involved in the jump process. I now thought about how my life could be damaged if I had a back injury, for instance. If I went again, I would be more afraid because it was no longer an ‘out-of-this world’ experience. I wouldn’t be in shocked amazement; I would think enough to be scared!

I always remember that now in times of high stress when I don’t know how things will turn out. I try not to think about it! 

I still do things to stay on track and set myself up well, but I also do a lot of distraction to get through. I stay busy, but I also go into that blank-mind mode if I can. Thinking about how badly it could go wrong is not helpful. There are times when a person just needs to keep moving forward. So as Scarlet O’Hara said in Gone with the Wind, “I can’t think about that today. I’ll just go crazy if I do! I’ll think about that tomorrow.”

Thinking Matters

Did you know that your thoughts lead to your emotional reaction which then leads to how you act?


Here is an example that I like to give:


If we were sitting in a group of people, and a rabbit was released into the middle of the group:


One person might think, “Oh, what a cute little bunny! Rabbits are so soft and sweet. I love rabbits! I want to pick it up!” As a result, that person could feel happy, warm, loving and might move to go pet the rabbit or to pick it up.


Another person might think, “I hate rabbits! They scratch and bite. Rabbits are just awful rodents. Get it away from me! Get it out of here!” As a result, this person could feel fear, anxiety, anger, disgust and might move to chase the rabbit out of the room or the person might leave the room.


These different reactions come from the way the person thinks (and past experience which shapes thinking.)

This is why, if you struggle with emotions which overwhelm you or moods which hinder you, it helps to look at your thinking. Changing your thinking can help you manage your emotional reactions.


About now in my explanation is when people jump to the injunction to “think positive!”

Now, thinking positively does have its usefulness, but it has been used so often and it just doesn’t always fit some situations. Many people feel annoyed when they hear “Think positive!” posed as a solution.


The reality is that much of our thinking which leads to unpleasant emotions is extreme. It jumps to the worst outcome. It eliminates a variety of possibilities.


Managing your emotions can be helped by changing your thinking to be more moderate and reasonable. Instead of jumping to the worst conclusion, look at the situation as it is and think of how to handle it at that time.


The next time you are in the middle of a strong emotion or are distressed in some way, slow down and ask yourself, “Am I making this worse by how I am thinking? How can I handle what is happening right now?” 

Then you can choose an action to take such as doing something distracting or getting some exercise. You can look at what is in your control and make decisions about that. 


Change your thinking to manage your emotions.

Five Steps to Find Your Motivation

I frequently hear from my clients that they are not motivated. They don’t feel like doing anything. Yet many do not like any amount of downtime. I think in some way they are not in touch with themselves or they do not like their own company. (Some have trauma and are avoiding painful, intrusive thoughts. That is another more complicated issue.) Some people stay busy with activities, often driven by shoulds and have-tos, trying to please others. Some people want to have another person interacting with them. Some people need a constant distraction such as TV, You Tube, games or social media. Society also imposes expectations that, over time, can put a person on auto-pilot meeting responsibilities, but not engaging in fulfilling activities. It is this sense of fulfillment, inherent interest or curiosity, or simply enjoying the experience that would naturally lead to a feeling of motivation.


During this time when the whole country is being encouraged to stay home, this could bring uncomfortable feelings to the forefront for many. Staying home could be a miserable experience. I think this would be a good time for people to get more in touch with themselves and more comfortable with their own company. In order to feel motivated, a person needs to look forward to something. (People can also be motivated by fear or by a threat, but this is not the kind of motivation people are seeking.) In order to look forward to something, it helps to know what you like, what you enjoy. Some people have become so out of touch that they don’t know what they like. They don’t have an opinion anymore. They don’t care. 


In order to feel more, to have a care, to want to do something, a person needs to get in touch with his/her own experience of likes and dislikes. The person needs to know his/her own opinion.


I recommend five steps to reconnect and find motivation. 

First, believe that you have the right to have an opinion. It is not selfish or bad. 

Next, stop to notice your own reactions. Start with small things such as what color do you prefer; do you actually like the food you are eating; do you feel physically comfortable; what temperature do you like the room to be? Instead of thoughtlessly going along with what others want, ask yourself if it is what you want. 

Third, voice your opinion. You don’t have to do this in a demanding or rude manner. You do not have to press for others to change in any way. Just speak up for yourself. Much of the time, one’s preferences do not even affect others. 

Fourth, take action. Purposely with intention, do things you like. Set aside time for enjoyment. 

Finally, learn to advocate for yourself in an assertive manner. Make a conscious decision about either going along with others’ desires or advocating for what you want. Assess the pros and cons.


Identify your authentic likes and dislikes and you might find your motivation.

Take Back Some Control While At Home

Exactly two weeks after my blog post saying I would be making the most of spring and summer, my state is under stay-at-home orders to control the spread of the COVID19 virus. Due to my compromised immune system, I was sent home from work even though the acute psychiatric unit is open as an essential service. Now, the weather has turned cooler than average and it is raining for several days in a row. My job still exists, so I am not in the dire straits as are many others.


These conditions - staying home, being more isolated, not productively working, uncertainty about the future – can take a toll on people’s mental and emotional wellbeing. Anxiety and depression increase. There are truly significant stressors and we do not want to deny that. However, we can do certain things to help us tolerate the situation and persevere. 


Of course, I always talk about managing one’s thoughts. I am a cognitive-behavioral therapist after all. Try not be judgmental of yourself. I am talking about the thoughts that you are worthless and lazy if you are not working and you are a failure if you can’t support yourself or your family. The appearance of the corona virus was completely out of our control. Government is closing down the places of employment. And I know it is easier said than done, but try not to think too much about the future. At least, don’t let your mind go to the extreme catastrophe. Consciously each day take some time to just be. Accept the current moment and do with it what you can. Take care of your home. Spend some time on the hobby you never have time for. Listen when/if someone wants to talk with you.


Give yourself a semblance of a schedule. At first, lounging on the couch binge watching a favorite series on Netflix and taking naps, seems wonderful. It doesn’t take long, though, until you start feeling sluggish and bored. Decide on one or two things you want to attend to that day. Block out some stretches of time to dedicate to those activities. They could be practical things that you have neglected or more self-fulfilling things. But decide how you will spend your time. You don’t have to schedule every hour, just give yourself a time period such as in the morning and in the afternoon. Identify a start time. And do take a shower somewhere in there. It will help you feel better.


Take care of yourself. You know all of the healthy advice. In particular, do try to go outside to breathe fresh air and hopefully get some sunlight shining on you even if you have to stay on your porch. At least it is spring and better weather is coming. My point is, be aware that certain conditions exist which tend to encourage depression and anxiety in particular. With that awareness, make choices to counter those effects.

A Therapist Facing Challenges Which Test Emotional Endurance

I have joined the clan of chronic illness. Don’t worry. I am not going to go on complaining about my miserable symptoms. Instead, I think it is very interesting how a therapist who has taught about cognitive distortions for over 20 years responded to some significant medical occurrences.


First, six years ago, I suddenly had a foot fracture. I had run a 10k two months before! As I was winding down from that, I took up Pilates. One day, I got into a plank position which caused pain in my toes. Then my foot swelled and it hurt to walk. It didn’t go away. The doctor said it was just the final straw on an overstressed fragile bone. The flawed structure of my foot shifted the pressure to a smaller bone when my foot landed during running. Well, that meant I really shouldn’t keep running. I was unhappy. Becoming a runner in my 40s had improved my self-image. Now, this just placed me back into the physically weak, uncoordinated, rejected role I had lived most of my life.

I healed from the foot fracture and stayed active with walking, hiking, swimming, and paddle boarding. While growing up, I was not athletic nor was I comfortable in or around water. These activities I took up independently out of my own interest and curiosity. This again contributed to improving my self-image. 

Then, I developed a chronic cough. I had learned to wait things out and they usually went away. Plus, whenever I was out on the water, I could exert myself and not start coughing. Seemed like asthma to me. But the cough got worse, louder and more forceful. I was certain I was scaring everyone around me. Over more than a year passed as my doctor tried to eliminate possible causes. Then a CT scan of my lungs produced a very alarming picture. I was rushed in to see a lung specialist the next day. Soon I met with a lung surgeon and I was admitted to the hospital for a surgical lung biopsy. 


The two nights in the hospital following the surgery were quite painful. This is where my own thinking became interesting. The pain was severe. I thought, “I can’t stand this! I can’t go all night hurting like this!” But it got worse. The pain medication caused me to vomit. “Do I take it for the pain? What if it makes me sick again? But this pain is too much!” I was hurting and could not get comfortable. The night was very long. I had the sense of despair. But I caught my own thinking and reminded myself that I was the one who taught others that your way of thinking can make the experience of pain worse. Time to take the medicine I handed out to others. I told myself I wasn’t going to die from the pain. It wouldn’t be forever. Others got through this sort of thing. I can handle it. Luckily, the pain was less the second night.


I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder and began treatment. I was positive and had faith in the recommended treatment. The process to get cleared up and into remission took almost a year. But I was triumphant! I engaged in healthy activity and decided I would walk a 5k at the end of May. But as I increased my distance and pace, my foot began hurting down the side. I backed off a little and hoped the pain would go away. One day, I went for a little trail hike and knew I had to keep to a flat path and take it slow and careful. I knew this wasn’t good.

I ended up in a walking boot again with a stress fracture in a different spot. I was so upset that simply walking would cause a fracture! I was upset that I wasn’t capable of doing a 3.1-mile fun walk. This was going to be my marker of recovery from my lung issue. Nope.

I was still in the boot when it was time for a camping trip I had planned. I went camping and made the best of it. In years past, I wouldn’t have gone. Still, I was highly frustrated at my bad luck. I wasn’t experiencing the full joy of camping. Plus, a bone scan showed that I had osteoporosis years before I should. After about a decade of running which I was sure was building my bones up and protecting me, it turned out the treatment for my lung disorder may have contributed to bone weakening and loss! How could this be after all of my hard work and persistence? Why me?! I felt very discouraged and vulnerable. Then my cough returned! A CT scan again produced an awful picture. I went back on medication. Now I was knowingly taking something that harms bones in order to save my lungs. I felt trapped.


I am currently tapering down off of that. My foot has healed. Spring is around the corner. Shall I try it again? How much walking can I do? At what pace? Should I try to increase? What about hiking? Is it safe for me to go on mild natural trails? What if I mis-step? I am at risk for a hip fracture not just a foot fracture. But it seems I have some natural optimism (or the ability to distance myself from reality). I have plans to be active and to get as much enjoyment out of spring and summer as I can. My kayak and my paddle board are waiting!

Only Two Years Since I Last Wrote

It has been 2 years since I last wrote. Wow! What have I been doing? I have been starting a small outpatient counseling practice in the after hours of my job at the hospital youth acute unit. In addition, I have been developing a craft business in which I sell handmade jewelry and handmade boxes with wood-burned designs on the lids. I have also taken a trip to Jacksonville, FL and very recently to Las Vegas, NV. Last March, I had a surgical lung biopsy and was diagnosed with an immune system disorder which I now have under control. Over the summer, I made it out onto the lake with my standup paddleboard and once in the fall with my kayak. Mid-summer, there was a sudden change at my place of employment which threw myself and my co-therapist into having larger caseloads than we typically could manage. This situation continues at this time.

After all of that, I think I am ready to start writing again. Stay tuned. I am becoming more active on my Facebook business page: www.facebook.com/ldonreed and will be improving my web page: www.ldonreed.com. The physical location of my outpatient practice will be moving soon. Updated information to come.

This was just 10 days after my surgery. Kinda dumb of me. I was hurting on the drive home.

                                                                         Women's Wellness Fair

I Need a Therapist, But Who?

How do you find and choose a therapist? You do not have to go to any random person that somehow is assigned to you. You have the right to seek out a therapist that interacts well with you and has an approach which fits your needs.

Trusty referral sources who can give you a good lead include:
your general practice physician who may suggest that therapy could be beneficial to you, or
friends or family who may have worked with a therapist they liked and recommend that person to you.

You might also see advertising, blogs, social media, or web sites of a therapist which give you an opportunity to learn about the person.

If you have not been referred to someone in particular, a good place to start is with your insurance company. 

1.  Make sure you have a mental health counseling benefit and find out how much insurance will cover and what your co-pay will be. This might be most easily done by calling the customer service number on the insurance card. 

2.  Look through the counselors that are contracted to be in network with your insurance. You should be able to use the insurance web site’s search feature for a professional. Or, if you are on the phone with customer service, they might run the search and e-mail it to you. 

3.  Look at the convenience of each counselor’s business location to your home and work routes. This may seem superficial, but people are more likely to continue with counseling on a regular basis when payment is assisted by insurance and it is easy and convenient to get to the counselor in your busy life.

Choose a few therapists to call. By the way, the terms therapist and counselor are interchangeable, meaning the same thing, usually a licensed professional with a masters level degree. Other designations you will find include psychologist with a PhD or psychiatrist which is a medical doctor in psychology who specializes in prescribing medication.

Think of your search for the right therapist as an interview process. Essentially, therapy should be a team effort with you and the therapist working together. You want to find a therapist whose experience, approach, and presentation fit with you. 

There are many types of therapy methods. An effective type is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) which focuses on the present issues and helps you improve by addressing thinking patterns and practicing actions to change habits. This therapy and a more recently developed version, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), are proven treatments for many issues.

Other therapies may include art or music therapy, experiential or Gestalt therapy, trauma focused therapy, systems approach, interpersonal or therapies which access the unconscious. It is important that the type of therapy is an approach which appeals to you. Also, actually enjoying talking with the therapist is immensely helpful.

Call each of the therapists you have selected and ask a few questions such as if they work with issues like you are experiencing and what type of treatment approach they use. You might be speaking first to a receptionist. See if you can speak either by phone or in person with the therapist to see if this is someone with whom you want to work. Some will be willing to have a brief conversation free of charge to establish if you want to enter into therapy with each other.

Here are some questions you could ask:

What license do you hold with this state and what is your education? How long have you been practicing?

I have these difficult issues occurring in my life and I have these symptoms. Do you work with clients with issues like mine? What types of clients do you work with: children, adults, families, couples? What type of therapy do you use and is it helpful for my issues?

How soon could you get me in for an intake session? Do you have availability for a weekly session, more or less frequent?

What insurance do you take? Are you contracted with my insurance company? Do you bill the insurance? Do you ask that the co-pay be paid by me at each session, or do you bill me for my co-pay after insurance has paid? (If you don’t have insurance which covers that therapist, ask if they have a sliding scale fee and how fees are determined.) Are you willing to establish a payment plan?

After speaking to a few therapists and asking the above questions, determine the one with whom you would like to officially begin therapy. Call back and schedule an intake appointment. This will include a diagnostic interview. The first session is longer than the subsequent regular sessions.

Therapists will typically discuss such topics as confidentiality, nature of the therapeutic relationship, treatment goals, and how you may take a break from or end treatment.

Find a therapist that you will experience as supportive and trustworthy. They should be able to give you honest feedback, recommend skills for you to learn and practice, challenge your thinking, and guide you in growth towards your goals.