Five Steps to Find Your Motivation

I frequently hear from my clients that they are not motivated. They don’t feel like doing anything. Yet many do not like any amount of downtime. I think in some way they are not in touch with themselves or they do not like their own company. (Some have trauma and are avoiding painful, intrusive thoughts. That is another more complicated issue.) Some people stay busy with activities, often driven by shoulds and have-tos, trying to please others. Some people want to have another person interacting with them. Some people need a constant distraction such as TV, You Tube, games or social media. Society also imposes expectations that, over time, can put a person on auto-pilot meeting responsibilities, but not engaging in fulfilling activities. It is this sense of fulfillment, inherent interest or curiosity, or simply enjoying the experience that would naturally lead to a feeling of motivation.


During this time when the whole country is being encouraged to stay home, this could bring uncomfortable feelings to the forefront for many. Staying home could be a miserable experience. I think this would be a good time for people to get more in touch with themselves and more comfortable with their own company. In order to feel motivated, a person needs to look forward to something. (People can also be motivated by fear or by a threat, but this is not the kind of motivation people are seeking.) In order to look forward to something, it helps to know what you like, what you enjoy. Some people have become so out of touch that they don’t know what they like. They don’t have an opinion anymore. They don’t care. 


In order to feel more, to have a care, to want to do something, a person needs to get in touch with his/her own experience of likes and dislikes. The person needs to know his/her own opinion.


I recommend five steps to reconnect and find motivation. 

First, believe that you have the right to have an opinion. It is not selfish or bad. 

Next, stop to notice your own reactions. Start with small things such as what color do you prefer; do you actually like the food you are eating; do you feel physically comfortable; what temperature do you like the room to be? Instead of thoughtlessly going along with what others want, ask yourself if it is what you want. 

Third, voice your opinion. You don’t have to do this in a demanding or rude manner. You do not have to press for others to change in any way. Just speak up for yourself. Much of the time, one’s preferences do not even affect others. 

Fourth, take action. Purposely with intention, do things you like. Set aside time for enjoyment. 

Finally, learn to advocate for yourself in an assertive manner. Make a conscious decision about either going along with others’ desires or advocating for what you want. Assess the pros and cons.


Identify your authentic likes and dislikes and you might find your motivation.