Review of Changing for Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward by Prochaska, Norcross, and DiClemente (2010)

“Changing for Good” assures that true change is possible. It explains that there are certain stages and certain steps to take in each stage. Many people are unsuccessful in their attempts at change because they skip important initial stages or they use the wrong strategies for the stage they are in. The authors assert, “The key to success is the appropriately timed use of a variety of coping skills.” (Kindle location 135-136.) Through educating the reader on the processes followed by “successful self-changers”, the book increases the likelihood that change attempts are effective.

The book has a conversational style. A caring guide explains important points while empathizing with the struggles at each stage. At the same time, the author refers back to the extensive research of the team and outcomes which support their assertions. Common defenses, excuses, and behaviors which contribute to maintaining the problem behavior are confronted in a manner that is palatable to the reader who might be employing those very self-defeating actions. The serious difficulty in making lasting change is not glossed over; it is made quite clear.

Hope is given. This is the text which introduces the concepts of slips and relapses. It teaches that these are a normal part of the change process. It also encourages the reader that one does not have to fall back to start all over at the pre-contemplation stage. With education and perspective, one can begin again at one of the later stages such as preparation or action.

The book is written to support people who are trying to change on their own. Near the end, however, it notes that if one has tried repeatedly without success, it would benefit to seek professional help. I was disappointed that when different helping professionals were identified, there was a specific caution made against those who call themselves counselors. The point was that some call themselves counselors who do not have legitimate training. The caution should have advised that one look for those with appropriate credentials such as master’s degrees and state licensure. Since I am a master’s level Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in my home state and a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in the next state over, I want people to understand the credibility of licensure.

In the end, “Changing for Good” makes it clear that making lasting change is a difficult process that one must make a commitment to continue working at over a long period of time, such as over years. It states, “Clinical research indicates that only about 20 percent of the population permanently conquers long-standing problems on the first try.” (Kindle location 3120.) The person seeking to change a problem behavior is advised to examine what stage of change they are in and to follow the processes outlined in the book to help the person to move from one stage to the next with the best preparation. Overall, it is an easy to read, educational, and supportive self-help book.

Blinded by My Own Mind Games

As a therapist working in a hospital psychiatric setting, there are certain tricks I frequently see employed by people to protect themselves from the pain of facing problems. If a problem situation is too intense or overwhelming, especially in the beginning, it is adaptive for the mind to employ these protections. Over time, the person addresses different aspects a little at a time in a manageable manner. However, people can protect themselves so well that they never acknowledge a problem exists. In order to be in control of one’s life choices and personal actions, one must recognize problems, tolerate emotional distress, and take conscious action. The following eight defenses are common. If a person works to reduce reliance on these defenses and instead faces facts, then progress can be made in solving or eliminating the source of stress or emotional pain. The person takes back the right to make conscious personal choices about their own life direction.

Denial

The person does not believe there is a problem. There is a complete lack of awareness. Common statements include: “I don’t know what you are talking about,” “That didn’t happen!” “I don’t get angry” “I didn’t say that.”

Minimization

The person admits to something but assesses it to be within the normal range or of no consequence. Common statements: “It’s no big deal,” “I don’t know what they are getting so upset about,” “It’s not a problem for me,” “I drink sometimes like anyone else,” “Everybody gets angry, sometimes I get a little annoyed.”

Avoidance, Dodging, Shifting

The person brings up a completely different issue or brings attention to something else of no connection to the topic. Sometimes it elicits concern from others which takes away from the problem to be discussed. Examples: “My tooth has been hurting; I need to make a dental appointment.” “Oh, look, I have a stain on my shirt (or it is unraveling, etc.)” “What is for dinner? I am starving!”

Intellectualization

The person over-analyzes and uses logical justification to explain away the problem. The person remains so logical and analytical that they do not experience the emotions associated with a problem. It is the experience of emotion that could spur the person to action. Instead, the person remains mired in over-thinking and contemplating. “I wonder why I do that. It could be because I haven’t slept well, or I have a lot of work on my mind. But it makes sense; anyone under the same circumstance would do the same.” Or the person does a lot of describing or telling the events of a situation but cannot talk about their emotional responses.

Blaming or Projection

When someone is trying to talk to the person about a problem, the person responds with angry blaming and accusations about the other’s actions. Common statements: “You don’t listen to me,” “You don’t care about me, this is about you getting what you want,” “You always point out what’s wrong with me” “You care about so-and-so more than me.” These accusations put the other on defensive which leads to them trying to explain themselves and to reassure the individual. This takes away from discussing the problem that originally needed to be discussed. With projection, the person accuses others of the very characteristics or issues that are within them which they deny.

Victim Stance

When people try to confront a person about a problem, the person reacts as if those doing the confronting are being mean or cruel. The problem cannot be discussed because the person reacts with such hurt. The person might label themselves in a negative manner or generalize that life is not fair to them. They have bad luck and they do not make the connection between negative outcomes and their own choices and behaviors. The person might assert that they are incapable or ineffective. This elicits sympathy from others and attempts to talk the person out of their negative assessments.

Anger or Displacement

A person uses anger to keep others away, to make it too uncomfortable to bring up any issues. In displacement, a person takes out their anger on a safe object rather than directing it at the true cause of their anger. For example, a teen boy is failing in school and is on probation and he frequently argues with his mother who continues to love him. Or there is the stereotype: man has bad day at work, comes home and yells at child, then child kicks the dog.

Passive Aggression

The person does not confront a problem directly. They might be agreeable but not follow through. Examples: Instead of talking directly to someone to resolve a conflict, the person gossips and complains to others about the other person. Or the person agrees to do some task which is asked of them, but they forget to do it.

What can you do? Allow yourself to become open to other’s observations. Don’t reject others’ complaints about you or their presentation of a problem. Tell yourself and them that you will consider what they are saying. Then do it. Stop thinking about what is wrong with the other person and take a look at your own actions and reactions. We all play some part in every situation. What is the part you are playing? What positive outcome would you like to see happen? Consider what choices and actions you have control over and what changes you could make to positively affect the situation. Also, take a good look at how things really are. Allow yourself to feel your own feelings of fear, anger, hurt, disappointment. But don’t get stuck in them. Use them to determine that something isn’t right and you don’t want it to continue. Use your feelings to propel you into taking action to resolve, remedy, or alter negative circumstances. Practice constructive problem solving and assertive communication. Identify some change you can make or some action you can take or even a change in your thinking. Take some control back and quit just tolerating the status quo. I hope you have positive results!

Meaning of PsychSage

This chart gives the Jungian archetypal meaning for 'Sage'. I think it fits well with the purpose of this blog which seems aptly named, PsychSage.

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/8092474304615433/

My motivation for the blog is independence and fulfillment.

Our motto could be "The Truth Will Set You Free."

Through learning about psychology, the study of human behavior, I think our awareness and understanding give us more control of our choices and our life paths. I think we can be more independent and fulfilled.

The Art of Loving Now

I just finished reading Eric Fromm’s “The Art of Loving.”(1956) It is an intellectual and philosophical work in which the author’s personal beliefs and influences come through clearly. Fromm refers to Freud whom he depicts as stopping short in his theories. Fromm also refers to Christian biblical teachings, specifically Adam and Eve. But to my surprise, Fromm consistently referred to Karl Marx as well. Now, I needed to check the biography of Fromm to see what kind of philosophies he promoted. A quick check of Wikipedia described Fromm as a humanistic and democratic socialist. Fromm made it clear in his writing that he was critical of Western capitalism but he made it equally clear that he was against Soviet communism. So what did Fromm promote? Fromm asserts that to love, one must love all of humanity. He refers to the biblical ‘love thy neighbor as thyself’ and asserts that we are supposed to love ourselves, not in a narcissistic manner, but in the sense that we are supposed to love all of humanity, ourselves included. He also asserts that the love we seek with an individual can only be fulfilled as much as we are capable of loving all humanity.

Fromm states that loving is a skill that may be developed just as being artistic is a skill to develop. He also talks of love as similar to the levels of increasing morality or the levels of increasing self-actualization. Fromm describes several types of love, for example that of mother and child, and explains how each fits within the capacity to be fully loving. Finally, Fromm asserts that he cannot tell one how to love. But he does present desirable qualities to develop which support the ability to love. Just as the artist works to improve the abilities of seeing and observation to support the artistic skill, so does a person need to improve qualities that allow for a greater ability to love. Fromm then presents the qualities he finds important such as integrity, honesty, commitment, focus, faith, risk-tolerance and others.

I could relate in understanding that these qualities need to be present for love to be genuine. It was these qualities I was assessing as I considered the dissolution of my marriage. Some had been exposed to be so lacking that I concluded, “This isn’t love and it isn’t going to be.” Now, I look at myself and my ability for love going forward. I have to acknowledge that I have a level of caution and cynicism that will interfere with my ability to love and to be in a loving state. I also know that the qualities that Fromm discusses are aspects I already valued and sought. Fromm himself states that it is rare to find these qualities highly developed. Fromm also asserts that the environment of the society in which we live either supports or hinders the development of such qualities. I suppose one could be disillusioned that this level of loving is even possible. Or, one could determine that striving for the more developed practice of loving is worth it.

What are your thoughts and experiences in the pursuit of genuine loving?

Introduction

I have wanted to start this blog for quite some time. I want to share my knowledge and experience to help others. I have always had an interest in human nature and relationships. I also believe that the more we know, the more we can understand, the more we can choose the best for ourselves. I have been influenced by the theories of Carl Rogers and of Abraham Maslow. Rogers believed in the inherent desire of human beings to grow, to seek the light, and that if one listens fully and validates the individual, they will choose the path of growth. Maslow presented the hierarchy of needs and the concept of self actualization. I was trained in and currently practice cognitive-behavioral psychology. So, in addition to my belief in human potential, I also recognize the ways that people learn and perceive, that a person's understanding and thoughts influence his/her behavior, there can be subconscious and conscious influences, and people can set limits and make choices. I also think it is important to recognize that dangerous people exist, not all can be saved, and it is in our interest to recognize that from which we need to protect ourselves.

My hope is to be an educator and a guide to others. I also am constantly learning and gaining new insight. It is through considering various concepts with others that our own knowledge is furthered. I hope to join with others through discussion on this blog to increase our insight. I will not be providing therapy through this blog, however, so at times I may decline if someone asks for advice. Therapy is a much more involved endeavor, requiring time and in-depth knowledge of a person's development and experiences. I may someday write a book or a workbook or provide some other useful products resulting from this blog. I will see where it leads me. For now, I am happy to be writing and am hoping for conversation.