The Art of Loving Now

I just finished reading Eric Fromm’s “The Art of Loving.”(1956) It is an intellectual and philosophical work in which the author’s personal beliefs and influences come through clearly. Fromm refers to Freud whom he depicts as stopping short in his theories. Fromm also refers to Christian biblical teachings, specifically Adam and Eve. But to my surprise, Fromm consistently referred to Karl Marx as well. Now, I needed to check the biography of Fromm to see what kind of philosophies he promoted. A quick check of Wikipedia described Fromm as a humanistic and democratic socialist. Fromm made it clear in his writing that he was critical of Western capitalism but he made it equally clear that he was against Soviet communism. So what did Fromm promote? Fromm asserts that to love, one must love all of humanity. He refers to the biblical ‘love thy neighbor as thyself’ and asserts that we are supposed to love ourselves, not in a narcissistic manner, but in the sense that we are supposed to love all of humanity, ourselves included. He also asserts that the love we seek with an individual can only be fulfilled as much as we are capable of loving all humanity.

Fromm states that loving is a skill that may be developed just as being artistic is a skill to develop. He also talks of love as similar to the levels of increasing morality or the levels of increasing self-actualization. Fromm describes several types of love, for example that of mother and child, and explains how each fits within the capacity to be fully loving. Finally, Fromm asserts that he cannot tell one how to love. But he does present desirable qualities to develop which support the ability to love. Just as the artist works to improve the abilities of seeing and observation to support the artistic skill, so does a person need to improve qualities that allow for a greater ability to love. Fromm then presents the qualities he finds important such as integrity, honesty, commitment, focus, faith, risk-tolerance and others.

I could relate in understanding that these qualities need to be present for love to be genuine. It was these qualities I was assessing as I considered the dissolution of my marriage. Some had been exposed to be so lacking that I concluded, “This isn’t love and it isn’t going to be.” Now, I look at myself and my ability for love going forward. I have to acknowledge that I have a level of caution and cynicism that will interfere with my ability to love and to be in a loving state. I also know that the qualities that Fromm discusses are aspects I already valued and sought. Fromm himself states that it is rare to find these qualities highly developed. Fromm also asserts that the environment of the society in which we live either supports or hinders the development of such qualities. I suppose one could be disillusioned that this level of loving is even possible. Or, one could determine that striving for the more developed practice of loving is worth it.

What are your thoughts and experiences in the pursuit of genuine loving?