Being happy seems to be an obvious shared goal for most
people. People with ongoing unhappiness or distress often enter treatment with
the assumed goal of feeling better, of becoming happier. But an actual fear of
happiness may undermine progress. Research is finding that people have beliefs
which lead to anxiety when they try to be happy. For example, some people have
a sense that enjoyment leads to an inevitable fall when something happens to
disrupt it. They perceive the pain of that fall to be worse when they have
allowed themselves higher levels of enjoyment. Others feel uneasy with times of
pleasure because there is only value in productivity, having fun is wasting
time; relaxing is being lazy. They may fear negative consequences if they take
time away. In fact, though evidence shows that people who take breaks, attend
to only one task at a time, or who take vacation time have higher levels of
productivity, society in general and many employers do not recognize this. Instead,
they disapprove of and have negative perceptions of the person who takes time
to rejuvenate. Some people, especially depressed people, have dampened all
emotions and need to practice feeling any emotion including happiness.
The prescription is choosing to take time for relaxation or
enjoyment, even briefly, and allowing oneself to experience it without
judgement. I struggle with experiencing anxiety related to taking time for
pleasure, and I have had to make conscious steps to counter it. I am so
terrible at prioritizing fun that I was paralyzed when it came to planning it.
For several years, my coworkers would claim vacation times, especially in the
summer, and I would be so slow in even contemplating it, that it would be
difficult to find days I could take off around what my coworkers had already
planned.
I have
spent so many summers resentful at spending the entire summer inside working
and missing out on nice sunny days when I live next to a lake. I finally
invested in a standup paddleboard which I can manage loading and transporting
myself. Now, when a good sunny day is in the forecast (we have a lot of cool,
rainy days) I at least take a half day off from work, a whole day if possible,
to get the board and me out onto the lake. Taking the time isn’t the whole
solution. While out a couple of weeks ago, I consciously made the choice to
stop, lay back, notice the warm sun, the soft breeze, the water rocking me on
the board. I chose to let myself feel pleasure, otherwise, I would have made it
just another workout routine for exercise!
Taking brief moments for pleasure is still a struggle for
me. I feel guilty when I take a walk break in the middle of my work day every
once in a while. When I arrived home from work yesterday, it was warm and nice
out. I couldn’t find the motivation to go outside even though I had been inside
all day. I consciously talked myself into just stepping out into the backyard
for a moment. Pretty soon, the cat wandered up to me and was clearly happy I
was outside. I sat in a chair and enjoyed the warm day as I sat in some shade
and petted the cat at my feet. After a couple of minutes, I needed to go inside
for something, but I had now had a taste of the outdoors, and I was compelled
to go back out. Success!
This past Saturday, I spent time with a friend, went to a barbeque, took the scenic route there, and spontaneously decided to go shopping
for a tree. In the middle of it all, I realized I had no plans at all for the
day. I didn’t have a list of things to do that I felt I was neglecting. I was
truly relaxed and going along with what was right in front of me. Now that was
unusual for me! And nothing bad came of it; no terrible consequence for “wasting”
a day. It was a very nice day.
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