It is time to evaluate the quality of your relationships and
the effect they have on you. We know that we should get out of abusive
relationships and much has been written about what an abusive relationship is
and red flags to watch for to avoid getting into an abusive relationship. But
there are people who are not malicious, who mean us no harm, and still we
should question if it is good for ourselves to be in relationships with them.
At the turn of a new year, many of us reassess our goals and our habits in the
effort to make a long, fulfilling, quality life. One aspect to look at is
relationships which may be doing us harm. There are three qualities in others
which may be harmful to us:
People who do not have healthy habits: A person who eats too
much, or drinks too much, or has other unhealthy habits can negatively
influence you. When the person you live with spends a large amount of time on
the couch watching TV and movies, or playing video games, you are likely to get
sucked in to doing that with them. It is much harder to get yourself out the
door to exercise when your partner encourages couch sitting. Or someone you
live with prefers unhealthy food and brings it home. Some people actively
sabotage ones efforts to be healthy, by encouraging you to drink when you are
trying to abstain, for example, or to eat another serving when you are trying
to be moderate. Also, if the people you are spending time with are unhealthy,
they will limit the activities you engage in as you defer to their limitations.
Some health issues are inevitable, but a person can choose to value healthy
living. It is an indicator of the quality of life they want.
People who are chronically depressed: Now, we all want to
help our friends and loved ones when they are down and we should. We should be
patient, understanding, and empathetic. But there are some people who are
depressed as an approach to life. They are depressed more than not over a span
of years. It is their default. If a depressed person does not seek to change
their perspective on life, to change their negative thinking, to take action to
counter their depression, you certainly are not going to bring them out of
their depression. And their depression will bring you down. You have the right
to surround yourself with people who enhance your life.
People who have no interests or initiative: Some people are
good people, but they have no interests that they invest in. They do not have a
desire to develop and contribute their talents to society. For example, a
person who is thrilled that they can get away with taking an hour long nap most
days at work. These are people who don’t care about much and don’t have much to
talk about. One way that we make a fulfilling life for ourselves is by
contributing something of value, spending our time doing something that we
consider important. A person who doesn’t care about much will not further your
efforts in making a fulfilling life.
JoLynn Braley, a blogger about healthy lifestyles, says
this:
“I don’t think that a negative, unhealthy, toxic
relationship is worth hanging on to for either party. At the same time though,
I cannot say that it’s always an easy thing to choose your own health (mental,
emotional, physical, spiritual) above a relationship and it does take a strong
person to do so, but it can certainly be done.
It is also very possible to leave the toxic relationship
with love and while your partner may not be happy with this, above all you must
love and respect yourself. If staying in the relationship takes you out of
integrity with yourself you are not treating yourself with respect, which will
create and attract more negativity in your life.”
You can see her entire article at the following link:
What to do:
Work on your own outlook and approach to life. If you are
negative or pessimistic, try to put things into better perspective and not lean
so heavily toward the negative. Work on being grateful for the good things in
your life. This may help to attract more positive people to you.
Spend your time in activities with others who share your
interests and who also value being healthy in mind and body. Don’t give up on
your own health because some around you don’t share the same goals.
Communicate your concerns with the harmful people in your
life. Give them a chance to work on themselves. If they don’t actively try to
improve, limit your time with them. It might be time to consider ending your relationship
with them. Relationships are better when you share the same values.
You have one life. Make the best of it.
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