I think therefore I am - Descartes. But who am I? How do we know who we
really are (identity) and how do we honor that unique person?
Without a sense of identity, people flounder. They can have
difficulty in relationships with others and trouble maintaining stability in
life. Poor sense of identity is an underlying cause of many maladaptive
behaviors and much mental anguish.
Identity is a sense of one’s unique self which is separate
from others and is in relation to others. It includes what we believe, our preferences,
values, passions, unique talents and attributes, and the groups with which we
associate.
Closely connected with identity is self-esteem which is an evaluation
of one’s own worth. It includes the amount
of confidence in self based on experience and on successful achievement.
Our identity develops from our genetic composition and from the
beliefs and values taught to us by caregivers. Then it is honed by our own
experiences and assessments, is influenced by society and culture, and is
adjusted in response to feedback from others and to our experience of outcomes.
We honor our unique identity by developing healthy
boundaries (the limits we set) and by having an assertive approach to
interpersonal interactions.
A couple of useful books on boundaries are:
- Boundaries, Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine, and
- Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody.
An assertive approach to interacting with others serves to:
express our true selves honestly, protects the self, gets one’s needs met, and
allows one to have safety in relationship with others.
In my next post, I will discuss several styles of
interpersonal interaction, including the assertive style.
Readers, do you have anything you would add, especially any references to good books on these topics?
