Review of Changing for Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward by Prochaska, Norcross, and DiClemente (2010)

“Changing for Good” assures that true change is possible. It explains that there are certain stages and certain steps to take in each stage. Many people are unsuccessful in their attempts at change because they skip important initial stages or they use the wrong strategies for the stage they are in. The authors assert, “The key to success is the appropriately timed use of a variety of coping skills.” (Kindle location 135-136.) Through educating the reader on the processes followed by “successful self-changers”, the book increases the likelihood that change attempts are effective.

The book has a conversational style. A caring guide explains important points while empathizing with the struggles at each stage. At the same time, the author refers back to the extensive research of the team and outcomes which support their assertions. Common defenses, excuses, and behaviors which contribute to maintaining the problem behavior are confronted in a manner that is palatable to the reader who might be employing those very self-defeating actions. The serious difficulty in making lasting change is not glossed over; it is made quite clear.

Hope is given. This is the text which introduces the concepts of slips and relapses. It teaches that these are a normal part of the change process. It also encourages the reader that one does not have to fall back to start all over at the pre-contemplation stage. With education and perspective, one can begin again at one of the later stages such as preparation or action.

The book is written to support people who are trying to change on their own. Near the end, however, it notes that if one has tried repeatedly without success, it would benefit to seek professional help. I was disappointed that when different helping professionals were identified, there was a specific caution made against those who call themselves counselors. The point was that some call themselves counselors who do not have legitimate training. The caution should have advised that one look for those with appropriate credentials such as master’s degrees and state licensure. Since I am a master’s level Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in my home state and a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in the next state over, I want people to understand the credibility of licensure.

In the end, “Changing for Good” makes it clear that making lasting change is a difficult process that one must make a commitment to continue working at over a long period of time, such as over years. It states, “Clinical research indicates that only about 20 percent of the population permanently conquers long-standing problems on the first try.” (Kindle location 3120.) The person seeking to change a problem behavior is advised to examine what stage of change they are in and to follow the processes outlined in the book to help the person to move from one stage to the next with the best preparation. Overall, it is an easy to read, educational, and supportive self-help book.

Blinded by My Own Mind Games

As a therapist working in a hospital psychiatric setting, there are certain tricks I frequently see employed by people to protect themselves from the pain of facing problems. If a problem situation is too intense or overwhelming, especially in the beginning, it is adaptive for the mind to employ these protections. Over time, the person addresses different aspects a little at a time in a manageable manner. However, people can protect themselves so well that they never acknowledge a problem exists. In order to be in control of one’s life choices and personal actions, one must recognize problems, tolerate emotional distress, and take conscious action. The following eight defenses are common. If a person works to reduce reliance on these defenses and instead faces facts, then progress can be made in solving or eliminating the source of stress or emotional pain. The person takes back the right to make conscious personal choices about their own life direction.

Denial

The person does not believe there is a problem. There is a complete lack of awareness. Common statements include: “I don’t know what you are talking about,” “That didn’t happen!” “I don’t get angry” “I didn’t say that.”

Minimization

The person admits to something but assesses it to be within the normal range or of no consequence. Common statements: “It’s no big deal,” “I don’t know what they are getting so upset about,” “It’s not a problem for me,” “I drink sometimes like anyone else,” “Everybody gets angry, sometimes I get a little annoyed.”

Avoidance, Dodging, Shifting

The person brings up a completely different issue or brings attention to something else of no connection to the topic. Sometimes it elicits concern from others which takes away from the problem to be discussed. Examples: “My tooth has been hurting; I need to make a dental appointment.” “Oh, look, I have a stain on my shirt (or it is unraveling, etc.)” “What is for dinner? I am starving!”

Intellectualization

The person over-analyzes and uses logical justification to explain away the problem. The person remains so logical and analytical that they do not experience the emotions associated with a problem. It is the experience of emotion that could spur the person to action. Instead, the person remains mired in over-thinking and contemplating. “I wonder why I do that. It could be because I haven’t slept well, or I have a lot of work on my mind. But it makes sense; anyone under the same circumstance would do the same.” Or the person does a lot of describing or telling the events of a situation but cannot talk about their emotional responses.

Blaming or Projection

When someone is trying to talk to the person about a problem, the person responds with angry blaming and accusations about the other’s actions. Common statements: “You don’t listen to me,” “You don’t care about me, this is about you getting what you want,” “You always point out what’s wrong with me” “You care about so-and-so more than me.” These accusations put the other on defensive which leads to them trying to explain themselves and to reassure the individual. This takes away from discussing the problem that originally needed to be discussed. With projection, the person accuses others of the very characteristics or issues that are within them which they deny.

Victim Stance

When people try to confront a person about a problem, the person reacts as if those doing the confronting are being mean or cruel. The problem cannot be discussed because the person reacts with such hurt. The person might label themselves in a negative manner or generalize that life is not fair to them. They have bad luck and they do not make the connection between negative outcomes and their own choices and behaviors. The person might assert that they are incapable or ineffective. This elicits sympathy from others and attempts to talk the person out of their negative assessments.

Anger or Displacement

A person uses anger to keep others away, to make it too uncomfortable to bring up any issues. In displacement, a person takes out their anger on a safe object rather than directing it at the true cause of their anger. For example, a teen boy is failing in school and is on probation and he frequently argues with his mother who continues to love him. Or there is the stereotype: man has bad day at work, comes home and yells at child, then child kicks the dog.

Passive Aggression

The person does not confront a problem directly. They might be agreeable but not follow through. Examples: Instead of talking directly to someone to resolve a conflict, the person gossips and complains to others about the other person. Or the person agrees to do some task which is asked of them, but they forget to do it.

What can you do? Allow yourself to become open to other’s observations. Don’t reject others’ complaints about you or their presentation of a problem. Tell yourself and them that you will consider what they are saying. Then do it. Stop thinking about what is wrong with the other person and take a look at your own actions and reactions. We all play some part in every situation. What is the part you are playing? What positive outcome would you like to see happen? Consider what choices and actions you have control over and what changes you could make to positively affect the situation. Also, take a good look at how things really are. Allow yourself to feel your own feelings of fear, anger, hurt, disappointment. But don’t get stuck in them. Use them to determine that something isn’t right and you don’t want it to continue. Use your feelings to propel you into taking action to resolve, remedy, or alter negative circumstances. Practice constructive problem solving and assertive communication. Identify some change you can make or some action you can take or even a change in your thinking. Take some control back and quit just tolerating the status quo. I hope you have positive results!